My favorite show for the last 10 years has been South Park, so it was great to see their newest episode titled “Margaritaville” making light of our recent economic downturn.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/220760

It’s about 25 minutes but a good break from watching our current depressing financial news.

Ok, I am one month into opening my own business and I have made some mistakes but that’s to be expected. The key is to learn from those mistakes…. here are some of the mistakes I’ve made and lessons learned.

1.) Whatever you think your initial start up costs will be…. double it! It will be more realistic than the original estimate you came up with. The largest factor for small business failure, especially restaurants and other retail endeavors, fail due to under-capitalization. I’m glad I had some extra savings and a line of credit to fall back on… or I’d be in dire straits now. I’m still teetering on the edge, but at least I know I’m on the cusp of making it.

2.) Be ready to deal with anxiety. If you are like me, you believe you have the ability to control your destiny. However when starting your own business, there are many factors that are out of your control. This can frustrate the hell out of you if decide to let worry take over your thoughts. This can cause many sleepless nights and anxiety filled days waiting for an important phone call or lack of a phone call; waiting for contractors to finish; negotiating lease terms with the potential landlord; wondering when your first customer of the day will come in; etc. At first I was very frustrated but then I just decided to not worry about the uncontrollables and move forward with other things that I can control.

3.) Screw the economy!  Seriously… when it comes to opening a restaurant… if the economy is the deciding factor that makes or breaks your business… your business model needs some work. This doesn’t apply to all businesses especially industry specific collapses such as in the mortgage industry, etc but definitely the restaurant industry and many other retail businesses. Blaming the economy is easy to do but not likely the cause of failure. People forget that there are so many other factors that contributed to a business closing its doors…. poor marketing strategy, undercapitalization, lack of controls, inconsistency, poor concept, bad customer service, etc. The economy is a Macro force while the majority of your business works on a micro level (peoples individual decisions).

4.) The tortoise wins the race. This is probably another blog but I think our society shapes how we think in regards to how to obtain success. Many motivated individuals, even myself, try and sprint to the finish line however many times we just run out of steam too early. We go into a new endeavor guns blazing but either end up ill prepared, overwhelmed or just plain burned out. Slow and steady progression towards a higher standard will not only ease your anxiety by having small victories along your path to keep your spirits up but it will also help you improve your business’ products, services, human capital, efficiency and in the end your profit margin.

5.) Don’t work in your business work on your business. Dealing with the day to day issues and minor details can bog down your entrepreneurial juices. Handling the day to day operations and putting out fires everyday can make you feel like you are being productive and building your business but it’s completely the opposite. Once you fall into the trap of running the day to day tasks, you end up neglecting the most important job you have… to grow your business.

Being a start up boot-strapper, I am forced to do a lot of the day to day work so I struggle to consistently have the time or the desire (since I am exhausted many times) to come up with new ideas to improve my business but I still try and do it. I can see how easily it is to get lost in working at my cafe and never growing beyond a marginally profitable business because I work in my business instead of on it. I think this is why so many restaurateurs feel like slaves to their business. They are too pre-occupied with the details that they lose sight of the bigger picture. I can see this pitfall and I am challenging myself to not end up like them. My cousin in-law, Ken, expressed to me that his dad told him that his restaurant was like “a prison”… he was always there and could never leave. Ikes! I’d hate to have my dream end up being my prison!

6.) Your people MAKE your business. I’m probably beating a dead horse from all the past posts I have written but your ability to cultivate good relationships with your employees is probably the single most important factor that will determine your ultimate success. The success of my business so far has all to do with my employees. They show up to work with a great attitude. They are passionate about what they do. They are open to sharing ideas with me to help improve “our” business and also they are helping spread the word. I spend a lot of time talking to them, hanging out with them and just getting to know who they are and their unique situations. That way they can help me achieve my dreams and I can help them achieve theirs. I know one day, I will help these people achieve their dreams. Not all of them, but the ones who desire to be more… I hope that one day; I can reward them for their dedication to me….

The last thing I learned is that if it’s not hard, it’s not worth getting. I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I literally have a financial black hole in the back of my space.  It’s called a Grease Trap.  The reason why it’s a financial black hole is because the city sewer line was not in the usual place it is supposed to be.  So not only did they have to dig around for it but they ended up finding it underneath the nail salon next door!  Which poses a big problem as well. 

So the last week I have anxiously waiting for them to find it and crossing my fingers that this grease trap project doesn’t financially ruin me before I even open.  There are a lot of worse case scenarios left that really are scaring me…. but what can I do?  my strategy is to try and put it out of my mind and not worry about things I cannot control. 

My original decision to open a bubble tea cafe was partly decided by the fact I would not need one of these gigantic pieces of concrete with antiquated technology.  However as of this past year the local municipality has decided that smoothie shops as well as all coffee shops are required to have one.  After some back and forth with the city health dept, they are still requiring me to install the thing even though I generate almost no grease….<sigh>

So my construction budget has tripled due to the grease trap and the challanges I face.  My original contract amount was a mere $11K… back then I thought that was a lot… now I guess I am numb to it all…  Here is my latest change order….

The only thing I can look at is the bright side… now that I have a grease trap… I can generate as much grease I want to!  So fried food, bbq, grills are all possibilities!  So hopefully once I iron out kinks in my business model with a few months under my belt, I can go ahead and open up a revenue stream for food as well. It will help me recoup some of my losses as well as allow me to pursue my original idea. 

At this point I am quite worried… but there is little I can control.  And I have realized that lack of control in my start up is probably the biggest obstacle I face in my path towards my vision.  Waiting on the approval of the city as well as the health dept and my contractor is the hardest thing for me.  This has strained me… but I know it has made me stronger…. pray for me….

For me it’s where everything starts.  Without it, it’s hard for me to visualize my business and make purchasing, menu, hiring and construction decisions without it.  So I first decided on my logo and my brand identity.  Check it out and lemme know what you think.

My slogan is: Fru*t3alic*ous… The Art of Mixology.   My goal is to postion myself as a high end bubble tea, frozen drink specialty chain.  Prices are not much different from a standard bubble tea/ smoothie shop but the identity is stronger and the creative drink mixes and the “art of mixology” is what I feel will separate me from my competition.  I’ll be serving a variety of creative drink cocktails such as Icy jazzberry Java or Artic Watermelon blast.  Lots of them are based from cocktails and redone with juices, syrups, frozen yogurt, sodas, ice, and real fruits.  Sort of a treat that you can have anytime at a very reasonable price.  After dinner, before grovery shopping, on a date, before a movie, after shool, etc.

Anyways… after putting a few coming soon posters up, lots of people have asked me if it was a chain.  I think that’s a great thing.  Hopefully a strong brand will set me up for a great future in franchising my system and creating a solid brad loyalty.  lemme know what you think….

Here is a picture of the location I picked out to start my first Fru*t3alic*ous cafe. (I’m changing the letters to avoid random googling of my brand to lead to this blog.

After weeks of driving around through the Dallas “metroplex”, I ended up choosing this location over other potential sites. I was attracted to this site due to a few good indicators and circumstances involving the space:

1.) The entrance of my store is within 100 feet of the entrance of the largest Albertson’s (regional supermarket chain) in Dallas. You can’t see it in the picture, but it’s right where the picture cuts off on the left side. There is a ton of foot traffic generated from this store alone since there really is not another grocery store within a 4 mile radius.

2.) There is a McDonald’s located across the street.  Figuring Mcdonalds does their homework when it comes to demographics and potential future growth in property values when selecting locations. Traffic count was approx 100K vehicles/ day. Average household income was approx. $80K… off the top of my head within 5 miles.

3.) Also, on that intersection where my store is at, there is a CVS, Walgreens, Subway, Quiznos, Home Depot and a Blockbuster there.  So there are lots of reasons to drive and park next to my location. These Anchor tenants would really help my business.

4.) The local high school is within half a mile from my store.  Since it is within walking distance, I can make it a local afters chool hang out. Every weekday at approximately 3pm (school gets out at 2:30) all the kids go to Mcdonalds to eat and hang out. I count approx. 50 kids or so everyday when I am there. From what people have told me, they used to come to the coffee shop. Good news for me!

5.) The public library and community senior center is about a block away… lots of great resources for me and my business plus libraries can draw people from farther away.

6.) The police, fire station and city hall is within a 1/4 mile from me. I’m pretty much in the center of town. Carrollton is a suburb of Dallas with a approx. population of about 110,000 people.

7.) I was able to negotiate 4 free months of rent and $7000 in Tenant Improvement. It took a lot of selling on my part due to my lack of experience in running a retail business, low net worth (compared to most business startups) and me being so young. But in the end I had a solid business plan and brand identity the landlord felt that he would take a chance on.

8.) The previous tenant ran a coffee shop that also served smoothies and bubble tea so there is already an existing market for it.  From my conversations with him, he was asked by his father to run their dry cleaning business so he stopped running this store. He must have made a killing since he still paid the rent without fail so the landlord did not advertise the availability until recently due to his lease term ending in 2 months.

9.) Previous tenant sold me all his equipment for $2500!  2 Fridges, expresso machine, ice machine, blenders, furniture, 3 computers, coffee makers, leftover inventory, etc. The cost of the equipment new was approximately $70K!

10.) Since the space was laid out well, it would only need cosmetic renovations which would keep my start up costs extremely low due to the tenant improvement allowance.

Here are some pics of the inside of the place prior to renovation.

In the end I felt I did pretty well to choosing a place that would set me up for success. I think I was just at the right place at the right time. Finding a fully equipped coffee/ smoothie shop that was closed for business due to reasons not stemming from poor business…. getting relatively good terms on renovation reimbursement (tenant improvement) and a good period of time to get this place open (4 free months) really made my first business venture a lot less stressful and increased my chances for success.

The last few weeks I have been in the store to meet with various contractors, insurance guys, service people, etc I always have random people pop their heads in and ask if I was reopening. They all expressed to me they loved the place prior and always asked why it closed down. The great thing is that they all seem to anticipating the opening of my store and will be first in line to try my creative drink creations.

My expected soft opening is Oct 20th and my scheduled grand opening is Halloween weekend. Lots of things to do before then, but it all seems to be coming together ahead of schedule and under budget…. just keep plugging away… there is always some fear in the back of my mind but it seems to be a positive motivating factor for me rather than something that holds me back.  I guess at this point there is not turning back anyways.. haha..

“Love what you do and you will never work a day in your life.” ~Someone who know’s what they are talking about.

No…. I didn’t forget about my blog nor did I decide to stop writing it. It’s been about 3 months since my last entry and I do apologize to all you readers for my lapse. However I have good reasons for my absence. A lot of what I have written about is about creating change in your life and stepping outside your comfort zone. So lemme give you an update on what changes have happened in my life……

The whole month of May, since I had quit my job, I spent most of it moving and packing my belongings into storage. It probably wasn’t a good idea that I picked a storage unit 40 minutes away from my house… but I guess you live and learn. Anyways, I ended up being a one man moving crew for a 1800 sq foot apartment with way too much junk. It sort of made me grateful that I worked in an office. Manual labor is tough. Working hard doesn’t always lead to success. It’s about working smart coupled with working hard that will guarantee the fulfillment of your dreams.

Then on Memorial Day weekend, I got married. After 1.5 years of waiting around and planning, it was all worth it. Having everyone there to celebrate was amazing. We tried not to have the focus on us even though it was our wedding. Our goal was to try and throw the best party we could for our friends. Nothing made us happier than seeing and hearing our friends and family having so much fun. Plus we knew it would probably be the last time we saw our friends for a while.   So what better way to say goodbye than with a huge party.

After we got married, we went to travel  Asia. We decided to do this because we knew that if we didn’t do it now, we may never get a chance to go. We ended up visiting Hong Kong, Bali, Macau, Beijing, Shanghai, Xi’an and Taiwan. After Bali, we met up with my little brother and sister and traveled through China and Taiwan with them. We spent a total of 5 weeks in Asia. I must say, it was an eye opening experience. It wasn’t that I was surprised about what I saw or who I met, it was more the realization that my “world” was so small. I realized that most people, including myself, live in a 50 mile circle around their house for most of their lives. Flying over the vast oceans and the islands of the Pacific, I realized how insignificant our existence really is. So it gave me the awareness and desire to live a life of greater meaning… a life of significance!

So I finally got back to the states in early July and to make a long story short… we drove down with my car. Then I flew back to NY and drove down the 17′ Uhual with my wife’s car in tow by myself over 3 days… scary… wouldn’t do it again. Wouldn’t recommend it to anyone either. It it was great because it finally gave me a chance to to be by myself and think. I believe that it is fundamentally one of the most important things you can do to deal with stress, assess your goals, and create BIG dreams. Many times I get overloaded with juggling everything in my life and I end up losing myself for a while. Only until I give myself my “alone time” do I feel whole again. Try it… spend an afternoon by yourself at the park or riding your bike with no music… you’re vision for your future will become much clearer.

Finally I get to Dallas… ah… my new beginning… I never thought Dallas would be so right… but after being here for 2 months, I must say I like it better than Long Island. Their is more stuff to do here, lots of places to eat, cheaper cost of living, great shopping (from what I see), and most importantly the people here care. It’s strange to say but I like people asking me, “How are your doing?” and actually wanting a real answer instead of a curt NY style reply such as, “Good”. When I was in NY, I actually preferred people NOT caring… I guess it’s because I was just like everyone else… cynical and feeling no need to be overly nice to strangers. I do miss my friends and family, but now with internet and free long distance, they distance has shrunk quite a bit.
But I’m glad I am here. I wake up each morning and I am as happy as can be. What a difference a change in scenery can do for you. So this is my time to start fresh… all the mistakes I have made in the past have just been erased! I think that if you plan to take massive action in your life, you must plan for it ahead of time. With proper preparation, your chance of success is significantly greater. So go out and start planning the life you want to live. Be who you always wanted to be. Work where you always wanted to work. Live where you always wanted to live and be with whomever you’ve always wanted to be with. Everything is achievable…..as long as your are willing to make short term sacrifices for long term goals.

So that is the story of the last 3 months. However I purposefully left out one of the most dramatic changes in my life and that is my new business venture.  I promise you that this blog will be updated again like it had in the past. I realized that it really holds me accountable and keeps me always thinking positively and selflessly.

I originally started writing this blog to catalog my thoughts and process on how I “cook up success”. I wanted to give people a story of how my journey unfolds and the lessons I learn. So my next blog entry will truly be the start of a long term “case study” of how I am setting up my food service business up for success and all the challenges I will overcome. It’s not a matter of whether I will be successful or not. It’s only a question of how successful I will be. Only time will tell… but I will tell you things don’t look good……. they look AMAZING! Stay tuned…

Many people spend their whole lives sitting on the train looking out the window and watching life pass them by. They sit there afraid to get off at the next stop for fear of never being able to get back on. They see things though the window that excite them, but that is not enough to get them to get off the train to explore the possibilities. The comfort and security of the train is what keeps them there. The fact that they know definitively where the train is going is whatkeeps them tightly in their seats.

Finally the last stop has arrived and they get off the train. They look back in the direction in which they had came and wonder what could have been. They stand there in solitude at the station with only their old beat up work bag in hand with no stories to tell and no one of significance to tell them to. Standing there on the platform after the train has left, these people can still hear the distant echo of the train fading into the distance. Click Clack… click clack…click clack… click clack….

You turn towards the direction in which you had come from and you begin to wish that you had not stayed on the train… after all…. you already knew where it would end up. But is is too late… you are too tired and too old to do those things you once dreamed of. You resign yourself to sit there on the bench and hope that the train will come by one last time so you can try and do those things you never got a chance to do….

Today is the day that you will decide that you no longer want to sit on the train and watch the scenery go by. After all, you know where it’s going and what’s waiting for you at the last stop. Happiness is a choice. If you catch yourself dreaming of better things or believing you deserve more than what you currently have then that is your sign to get off the train and pursue your happiness. Fulfillment doesn’t come from accepting what life gives you… it comes from you taking what you want from it!

I promise you… for I have experienced it first hand… the grass IS greener on the other side.

The Story of the Scorpion and the Frog

In a forest far far away, there lived a scorpion and a frog. One day the forest they lived in caught on fire. The fire had enveloped the whole forest and the scorpion and the frog were pinned against the edge of the forest and a river. The only way out was to go across the river.

So the scorpion asked the frog, “Can you help me get across the river?”

The frog replied, “Why would I take you across the river? You’re just going to sting me. “

The scorpion replied, “That’s ridiculous! If I stung I would drown with you? I’m not that stupid.”

The frog thought for a moment and realized that this was true and it would be stupid for the scorpion to sting him. So he let the scorpion climb on his back and he jumped into the river and started swimming to the other end. They were a little over half way to the other side and all of a sudden, the frog felt a sharp pain in his back. He realized that the scorpion had just stung him. So right before they both drowned, the frog turned to the scorpion and asked him, “Why did you sting me??? Now we are both going to die.”

The scorpion said to him, “I couldn’t help it… it’s in my nature.”

This past Wednesday was my last day of work. After working there 6 full years and helping build the company’s culture and creating a lot of wealth for the owner, I felt that I would be treated differently from all the others that had left previously. Every person that had left prior had been treated callously and in a cold manner. They all left with their heads down and regretful of ever working their. The owner had taken people leaving his company as a personal thing so he would not give them a fond farewell but instead would show them the door and slam it shut once they stepped foot outside.

So I thought I would be different. After all I had gave it my all these last 6 years. I led by example. I helped him grow his business 10 fold. I worked 7 days a week for him when it was needed. I transformed a negative company culture to a positive place to work. I treated my work like I owned the company. I even gave it my all to the final hour of me working there…. so what happened??

That morning, I woke up excited that I would leave my company in a positive light. I had worked hard for so long and always been loyal to the owner. As a executive in his company I thought that I would be bid a nice farewell. So I brought in some food for the other employees to celebrate my last day. Everything seemed like it would be a great way to end a long tenure with the company. I would not share the same fate as all the others.

In the afternoon, I finish up a final meeting with the owner and the web developers for our new site and I decide to take lunch and then come back and say goodbye to everyone. Before I left, the office manager came up to me and told me that my check would only have 42 sales to be paid on it. I was confused because I had just received my payroll log a day b4 telling me I was to be paid on 58 sales. I asked her why and she just gave me a look of helplessness and said, “That’s what he said to pay.”

So I went into the owners office and confronted him on why I was only getting paid on 42 cars. He then blamed it on a mistake the office manager had made about including commissions that we had not gotten payment on. I knew this was a flat out lie because in the 6 years I had worked there, I had received these logs and never was there a discrepancy between the payroll log and my paycheck. For him to lie straight to my face and blame someone else for his dishonesty, was one of the most hurtful things that I had felt in a long time. Since I had outstanding commissions that are supposed to get paid for the next 3-4 months, I knew I would never see the commissions I had earned. This was a sign of things to come…

So I left the office very angry and upset about my boss shaving 20% of my commission thinking I would not know. I go out with one of my coworkers for lunch since she had wanted to treat me out before I left. We got back around 4pm and she had punched in the security code to the office and I went to my desk to retrieve my belongings and shut down my computer. I was sitting at my desk and the owner comes up and asks me, “How did you get in here? Does your code still work?”

I was a bit confused at first but then I realized that he had already changed my door code so I could not get in. He had already changed the code before I even left!

Suddenly an overpowering feeling of hurt came over me. All I could think about was how much of my soul I had given to this guy to fill his pockets with money and he not only was trying to screw me out of my commissions before I even left but he didn’t even give me the courtesy of waiting until I left to delete my pass code….

This was not how I had pictured my final farewell. I didn’t deserve to be treated in such a callous way. There was no appreciation or gratitude for the effort and loyalty I had put in. So, I said goodbye to everyone in the office with my sunglasses on because I could not stop the tears from coming because of my ultimate realization that everything I had done for this man, I had done for nothing. All the love I had shown to this company and loyalty I had given, I thought might be reciprocated? I was wrong….

As i walked out of those doors one final time, the first steps i took were full of pain, resentment, and anger. But as i got closer and closer to my car, those same footsteps began to change into sounds of sorrow and pity for my ex boss. I now realized that his life was full of disloyalty, dishonesty and constant pain brought onto him by others. This never ending cycle would not end for him unless he somehow became awakened. Living in his own prison of misery and distrust was were he would spend his time for the foreseeable future…. and he would always think that it was others who had wronged him… when in reality it was him who had caused their actions…..

A bitter end to a otherwise wonderful time in my life. I still love many of the people who are there… but I began to wonder, will these people share the same fate as me? As the frog has learned…. It’s in his nature…..

While I do feel I have somewhat of an artistic eye, I am very certain that I do not have the skill set or ability to create a logo that would capture my idea. That is why designers are designers. The problem is that professional designer can be quite expensive. However, I have found a great site for people who are looking for logo designs that fit their budget.

99Designs.com uses an idea called crowd-sourcing. The idea is that you are outsourcing to a general, undefined group of people. The site allows you to create a contest of your own in which you determine the prize amount for the winner. This allows for people of all budgets to get designers to take a stab at their logo, website design or other design projects.

Check out my contest:

My Logo Design Contest

The key to this site’s success I believe is that you can give feedback to each designer and have them improve upon the design. The more feedback you give them, the better the end result.

I’m only on day 3 or 7 and I have over 50 submissions. The variety of submissions really gives you a lot of ideas on which direction you want to go. Definitely check this site out if you are boot-strapping your business and don’t have a huge budget but still want a nice design. Even if you have a pocket full of start up capitol, it’s still a great place to get a design done.

Have you ever met someone that always gets lied to by their friends or significant others? Did you ever wonder why this person doesn’t seem to get it? He/ she lives in their own bubble and doesn’t see that that much of their perceived disloyalty from others is caused by their own actions.

These people many times are the only people in the room that don’t see that their relationships are based on a superficial web of half-truths and lies. It’s because these people ended up indirectly teaching the people around them how they wanted to be treated. The desire for them to fit in, to be respected or to preserve their fragile ego is the root of the problem. They do not want to hear the truth unless it will be congruent with their image of themselves.

For example, the owner of the company that I work for is an extremely distrustful and manipulative person. I believe much of his distrust stems from many times of being lied to or screwed over. These past experiences have formed his current situation. The relationships he has with his employees are those based on fear and false promises. He is a person who always asks rhetorical questions such as, “Am I not always fair?” or “When have I ever not respected you?” The only answer you can provide him as an employee is a meek “Yes” even though your real answer is “All the time!”. He truly believes that he is honest, fair and respectful of others even though others do not see this. His own self identity is further reinforced by these “forced” answers from people who are not put in a position to tell him the truth for fear of losing their job.

One of our long time employees left the company about a week ago so he could pursue a better opportunity in California. However the owner found out today that this employee had never left New York and was now working for the competitor. When he found out, he said to me, “People will all screw you!” He was so angry that he had been lied to that he was cussing and swear with no restraint for the display of the whole office (this has become a usual occurrence in our office). His feelings of hurt are understandable however this level of unprofessional behavior just added to people’s perception of him in the office as being . As you read on you will realize that he had made his own bed.

I sat there thinking, “Hmmm…. maybe you should have treated your past employees differently, this would not have happened. The reason why this employee had to lie was that because the last 5 employees that worked in his department who left got screwed out of the commissions they had earned while employed with the company. These people, for the most part, had been acceptable employees that never did anything to deserve getting screwed. However, the owner was vengeful angry that these people had left him ad decided that they would have to fight him in court to receive their monies. So why would things be any different with this guy?? That is why he chose not to tell him.

His choice was to either tell the owner that he was leaving to work for another competitor and guarantee that he would lose a few thousand dollars worth of back-pay commissions due to the owner feelng betrayed OR lie to him and tell him a story and have a good chance of getting paid the money he honestly earned?

I don’t condone lying, however, this person never had the opportunity to do the right thing. It is sad that this had to happen this way, but this result was caused by the owners past behavior towards the employee as well as other past employees.

To Illustrate the same principle about teaching others how you want to be treated…Another example is, I have a friend who’s girlfriend is quite insecure. She always has to be by his side all the time. She ends up smothering him and always keeping tabs on him. So on the rare occurrences he is out by himself, she is always checking up on him. He is always forced to lie about what he is doing and where he is at because she does not accept the truth as more important than what she wants to hear. She has taught him that it is okay to lie to her as long as it makes her happy. Their relationship is now built on a foundation of lies instead a foundation of truths.

All these people have provided an instruction manual on how people should treat them.

They create rules such as:

“If you tell me something that I don’t like, I will create pain toward you.”

“If you lie to me and tell me what I want to hear, you will not be yelled at.”

“If you tell me the truth, if it hurts, I will get angry at you.”

“If you trust me enough to think that I will pay you without legal action, you are sadly mistaken.”

“If you tell me I am wrong, you will be in danger of losing your job.”

These people have chosen to surround themselves with people who have been conditioned to tell them what they want to hear. The people that aren’t, they are no longer friends with. By only allowing people to tell them what they want to hear they are really living a life based on a false self image and filtered communication. But in the end will only make them suffer again and again. Sometimes the truth hurts. Living in your self created world of denial will only prolong the inevitable and increase the level of anguish that will surface at a later date.

The lesson to be learned is that it is not always OTHER people who disappoint you, many times it may be YOU that taught them to treat you this way. Stop taking yourself so seriously and start teaching people that you WILL listen to them with an open mind and no consequence. ONLY THEN will you unlock the secret to consistent fulfilling relationships.