Interdependence: Give And You Shall Recieve

(This is one of the most important posts I have posted… please read.)

Throughout most of the last 8 years since that first summer selling books door to door, I have lived a great life. Many of the things that I wanted to accomplish my life, I had achieved. I kept strong relationships with my most important friends, I have a wonderful and supportive fiance, a good relationship with my family, and accomplished most of my financial goals as well as my work related goals that I had set forth for myself. During this time, I have always felt that I was the master of my domain. I did not need the help of others to achieve my personal goals. Other than managing some people at work, I pretty much counted on myself to do what needed to be done. The problem that I had was that I never felt that level of fulfillment that I thought I would feel after my achievements. There was something missing. I keep setting new goals thinking that by accomplishing them I could attain that level of satisfaction that I knew was out there. But I never did….

I know there are many of you who are successful as well have experienced that same exact feeling. It bothered me so much that I needed to find the answers. So about a year ago, I really began to listen to a lot of self improvement tapes as well as increasing my reading. This opened my eyes to the rules of success. I wanted to share this with everyone that I knew because I saw how much it had changed my life. All I wanted to do was have them see what I see. So I changed my approach on life of just trying to only improve myself, but also trying to help others improve their own lives.

I shortly realized that most people were content just being who they were. I knew that their time just wasn’t right. So all I did was just suggest to them a few books or audio tapes(Most were never read or listened to). My conversations with them were no longer about drinking, partying, girls, or sports. These conversations started to become more substantial and we always ended up talking about their goals and desires as well as mine. During these times, I saw that look of desire burn within their eyes telling me that they yearned for something greater than what they currently were. I always tried to encourage these people to pursue their dreams and to embrace ideas. My goal was to give whatever I could give to these people with no expectation of a benefit for myself. All I wanted was to see the people I loved succeed in their pursuit of happiness.

I did this for months and I really did not see much progress. I knew that I could not force these people, who I truly loved, to see what I saw. What I saw was that there was a world out there for the taking. I saw life for what it was, just a game. All they had to do was know the rules of the game and they could consistently win at it. I kept doing what I was doing. I did it consistently in everything that I did. Whether I was at work talking to my employees or at Barnes and Nobles giving money to the high school student sitting out front collecting donations. I gave whatever I could. I began to stop worrying about how I needed that money for my wedding or how I had seen little progress in many of the people I had spoken to. Everyday, my goal was to try and add value to someone else’s life. Whether it be a nice compliment, a conversation about someones goals for the future, or a training session with an employee at work or a donation to a charity, I did what I could.

After a while I stopped consciously trying to help people out and it just ended up being a more positive person. I pretty much forgot about my endeavor to try and help my friends and family at that point and was just trying to enjoy my life. If I affected other people’s lives? Great! I no longer thought that it was necessary for me force something upon them that they weren’t interested in.

However, a single day at the end of this past June, would change the direction of my life forever. I was sitting in my office talking with Vanessa, one of my employees. She has a wonderful spirit and she was one of the few people that was at the right time in here life to embrace much of the stuff I was trying to show to others. I had seen a transformation in her that I have not seen since my book days with Southwestern. I was talking to her about giving everyone a chance and to not just dismiss people as failures. I told her a story about how my student manager at Southwestern, Michelle, was the only person to believe in me at my most desperate hour. I was in a monsoon of trouble with school, partying, anger, and credit collectors. I felt hopeless and decided to avoid my problems all together with my non stop partying. But her belief in me to be greater was the reason why I decided to not listen to all the naysayers who told me that Southwestern Company was a cult, how dangerous it was or how I wouldn’t make any money. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. But that decision changed the direction of my life forever. That summer was the hardest thing I had ever done and I couldn’t have done it without her belief in me as well as my other manager Marty’s incessant positive outlook that summer.

After I had told her the story, Vanessa said to me, “JP, Your are that person my MY life.” Those words, made me finally understand what I had been searching for for the last 8 years. That feeling that something more was out there than just accomplishing my goals. This was no longer the feeling of my independence. This was the feeling of my interdependence.

Later on that night, I called up my ex-student manager Marty because I just had to tell him what happened. I told him the story and he said to me, “You are that person in my life as well.” After hearing this for the second time that day, I knew that all the positive giving that I had put in over the last 6 months was coming back through different channels in my life. It was causing my awakening to my purpose.

After I had hung up the phone, I realized that this was the day that would change the direction of my life forever. I didn’t really know how, but I just felt it…

That night, really late, I got a phone call from one of my best friends, Do. He called me up seemingly down on himself. He expressed to me that he was having trouble with his new job selling houses. He was not able to successfully make sales calls to potential clients and asked me for my help. Whether it was mere coincidence or an alignment of the universe, he said, “I should have took your advice in college and sold books door to door with you.” Wham! What a knock to the head to end my day of awakening.

I talked with him for a while and gave him some pointers on how to approach the process of sales. After I got off the phone with him, I finally understood what my purpose in life was about. I realized that the highest level of achievement you could achieve by yourself will only allow you to reach a certain level of fulfillment. However you will never be satisfied. You will always be in search of that elusive level of satisfaction you thought the last accomplishment was going to give you. That is why you see so many millionaires trying to be billionaires. They are on the never end quest for more because they don’t know what they were truly looking for. They are searching that that magic pill that will make that empty feeling go away. The problem is that they are barking up the wrong tree. The idea of Interdependence, where you give and you shall receive, is the key to satisfying this never-ending desire for more. If you give to others with no expectation of getting anything back, life will reward you ten fold. This is when you will be at peace with yourself.

So I finally got a glimpse of the highest level of consciousness, Interdependence. I am far from being there, but I hope to continue my journey down this road with full faith in the final outcome.

So what exactly is interdependence? It is the belief that by you helping others with no expectations of reward, others will, in turn help you achieve your dreams. If you can cleanse your spirit and mind of the innate human trait of selfishness, you can then begin to connect yourself with the cosmos. For example, if can help an old lady across the street and still feel good about it even if she spits on you, you have released yourself from the human condition of selfishness. If you can help a client out with no intention of any gain on your part, even if it means that you are recommending them not use you, then you are free. These are the examples of a life of interdependence.

In the Dale Carnegie Course, there is one principle that I teach that says, “Expect Ingratitude.” I never really paid much attention to it until this summer, but now it makes perfect sense. By not expecting anything out of your actions to help, you will never be controlled by the negative feelings of contempt, hurt or anger that comes with ingratitude. These negative emotions are what sabotages your life’s energy. By expecting a reward from your actions, you are only serving yourself and not the other person. Helping others achieve their dreams or just brightening up their day, you are surrounding yourself with positive energy. There is a good chance that you will not be immediately rewarded for your selfless efforts but it will show itself when you expect it the least. Life will reward you for all those wonderful things you have done for others in the past.

During the most trying times of your life, many times you will no longer even be able to depend on yourself. The mountain is too big to climb, the depression is too great, the financial circumstance too dire for you to overcome. That is when interdependence will take control and life will help you out at just the right time. Maybe it was a friend that you had helped 20 years ago or that grocery clerk you made smile yesterday. There will be someone to help pick you up just like you had done for them in the past. You will not be alone. Your success no longer is a possibility, it is a destiny.

So believe that you can make a difference in this world. Give thanks to everyone that you love. Give appreciation to everyone who helps you. Give just as much love and appreciation to those you don’t even know. Lend a helping hand to everyone. That is the way to a greater more fulfilling life. You may not see or feel a difference in your life immediately, but have faith… the path that you are taking will lead to that elusive feeling that you have been searching for….. that great feeling of complete satisfaction and fulfillment. This is the path of Interdependence.