The Grass IS Greener on the Other Side

Many people spend their whole lives sitting on the train looking out the window and watching life pass them by. They sit there afraid to get off at the next stop for fear of never being able to get back on. They see things though the window that excite them, but that is not enough to get them to get off the train to explore the possibilities. The comfort and security of the train is what keeps them there. The fact that they know definitively where the train is going is whatkeeps them tightly in their seats.

Finally the last stop has arrived and they get off the train. They look back in the direction in which they had came and wonder what could have been. They stand there in solitude at the station with only their old beat up work bag in hand with no stories to tell and no one of significance to tell them to. Standing there on the platform after the train has left, these people can still hear the distant echo of the train fading into the distance. Click Clack… click clack…click clack… click clack….

You turn towards the direction in which you had come from and you begin to wish that you had not stayed on the train… after all…. you already knew where it would end up. But is is too late… you are too tired and too old to do those things you once dreamed of. You resign yourself to sit there on the bench and hope that the train will come by one last time so you can try and do those things you never got a chance to do….

Today is the day that you will decide that you no longer want to sit on the train and watch the scenery go by. After all, you know where it’s going and what’s waiting for you at the last stop. Happiness is a choice. If you catch yourself dreaming of better things or believing you deserve more than what you currently have then that is your sign to get off the train and pursue your happiness. Fulfillment doesn’t come from accepting what life gives you… it comes from you taking what you want from it!

I promise you… for I have experienced it first hand… the grass IS greener on the other side.

Designing My Logo

While I do feel I have somewhat of an artistic eye, I am very certain that I do not have the skill set or ability to create a logo that would capture my idea. That is why designers are designers. The problem is that professional designer can be quite expensive. However, I have found a great site for people who are looking for logo designs that fit their budget.

99Designs.com uses an idea called crowd-sourcing. The idea is that you are outsourcing to a general, undefined group of people. The site allows you to create a contest of your own in which you determine the prize amount for the winner. This allows for people of all budgets to get designers to take a stab at their logo, website design or other design projects.

Check out my contest:

My Logo Design Contest

The key to this site’s success I believe is that you can give feedback to each designer and have them improve upon the design. The more feedback you give them, the better the end result.

I’m only on day 3 or 7 and I have over 50 submissions. The variety of submissions really gives you a lot of ideas on which direction you want to go. Definitely check this site out if you are boot-strapping your business and don’t have a huge budget but still want a nice design. Even if you have a pocket full of start up capitol, it’s still a great place to get a design done.

Teach People How You Want To Be Treated

Have you ever met someone that always gets lied to by their friends or significant others? Did you ever wonder why this person doesn’t seem to get it? He/ she lives in their own bubble and doesn’t see that that much of their perceived disloyalty from others is caused by their own actions.

These people many times are the only people in the room that don’t see that their relationships are based on a superficial web of half-truths and lies. It’s because these people ended up indirectly teaching the people around them how they wanted to be treated. The desire for them to fit in, to be respected or to preserve their fragile ego is the root of the problem. They do not want to hear the truth unless it will be congruent with their image of themselves.

For example, the owner of the company that I work for is an extremely distrustful and manipulative person. I believe much of his distrust stems from many times of being lied to or screwed over. These past experiences have formed his current situation. The relationships he has with his employees are those based on fear and false promises. He is a person who always asks rhetorical questions such as, “Am I not always fair?” or “When have I ever not respected you?” The only answer you can provide him as an employee is a meek “Yes” even though your real answer is “All the time!”. He truly believes that he is honest, fair and respectful of others even though others do not see this. His own self identity is further reinforced by these “forced” answers from people who are not put in a position to tell him the truth for fear of losing their job.

One of our long time employees left the company about a week ago so he could pursue a better opportunity in California. However the owner found out today that this employee had never left New York and was now working for the competitor. When he found out, he said to me, “People will all screw you!” He was so angry that he had been lied to that he was cussing and swear with no restraint for the display of the whole office (this has become a usual occurrence in our office). His feelings of hurt are understandable however this level of unprofessional behavior just added to people’s perception of him in the office as being . As you read on you will realize that he had made his own bed.

I sat there thinking, “Hmmm…. maybe you should have treated your past employees differently, this would not have happened. The reason why this employee had to lie was that because the last 5 employees that worked in his department who left got screwed out of the commissions they had earned while employed with the company. These people, for the most part, had been acceptable employees that never did anything to deserve getting screwed. However, the owner was vengeful angry that these people had left him ad decided that they would have to fight him in court to receive their monies. So why would things be any different with this guy?? That is why he chose not to tell him.

His choice was to either tell the owner that he was leaving to work for another competitor and guarantee that he would lose a few thousand dollars worth of back-pay commissions due to the owner feelng betrayed OR lie to him and tell him a story and have a good chance of getting paid the money he honestly earned?

I don’t condone lying, however, this person never had the opportunity to do the right thing. It is sad that this had to happen this way, but this result was caused by the owners past behavior towards the employee as well as other past employees.

To Illustrate the same principle about teaching others how you want to be treated…Another example is, I have a friend who’s girlfriend is quite insecure. She always has to be by his side all the time. She ends up smothering him and always keeping tabs on him. So on the rare occurrences he is out by himself, she is always checking up on him. He is always forced to lie about what he is doing and where he is at because she does not accept the truth as more important than what she wants to hear. She has taught him that it is okay to lie to her as long as it makes her happy. Their relationship is now built on a foundation of lies instead a foundation of truths.

All these people have provided an instruction manual on how people should treat them.

They create rules such as:

“If you tell me something that I don’t like, I will create pain toward you.”

“If you lie to me and tell me what I want to hear, you will not be yelled at.”

“If you tell me the truth, if it hurts, I will get angry at you.”

“If you trust me enough to think that I will pay you without legal action, you are sadly mistaken.”

“If you tell me I am wrong, you will be in danger of losing your job.”

These people have chosen to surround themselves with people who have been conditioned to tell them what they want to hear. The people that aren’t, they are no longer friends with. By only allowing people to tell them what they want to hear they are really living a life based on a false self image and filtered communication. But in the end will only make them suffer again and again. Sometimes the truth hurts. Living in your self created world of denial will only prolong the inevitable and increase the level of anguish that will surface at a later date.

The lesson to be learned is that it is not always OTHER people who disappoint you, many times it may be YOU that taught them to treat you this way. Stop taking yourself so seriously and start teaching people that you WILL listen to them with an open mind and no consequence. ONLY THEN will you unlock the secret to consistent fulfilling relationships.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy ~Bob Marley

Wouldn’t it be great if you could live stress-free and live a life full of happiness and joy with nothing to weigh you down? It’s not as hard as you may think and you don’t have to smoke pot like Bob Marley. . All you have to do is accept things as they happen.

The choice is yours to decide how much mental energy you will spend on worrying about the situation. It is perfectly human to feel angry, stressed, worried, or upset over a situation. However, if you cant change what has already happened, why expend all your energy worrying about it. Constant worry about your credit, finances, your job situation, girlfriend, or even life goals can take a big toll on your physical, emotional and psychological health. Not only will you hurt yourself, but you will also affect others around you.

Why not consciously decide to stop your cycle of negative thought and move past the worrying. After all, will spending more time worrying change your situation? The answer is no. The sooner your move towards analyzing your worry, finding the cause and formulating a solution for it, the sooner you will be back on the Yellow Brick Road of happiness.

A tell tale sign of whether you are afflicted with the Worry Bug is if you catch yourself saying, “I’ve got a lot on my mind.” or “I feel overloaded.” This may be a sign that you are dwelling on things for too long.

Here are a few key Dale Carnegie principles for dealing with stress that we teach in class.

1.) Ask yourself, “What is the worst that could happen?” Then prepare to accept the worst and try to improve on the worst case scenario

2.) Remind yourself of the price you can pay for worry in terms of your health.

3.) Cooperate with the inevitable. If you can’t change it, why worry about it.

4.) Decide how much anxiety a thing may be worth and refuse to five it more.

5.) Don’t worry about the past. Focus on the present.

(Preventative Principles on How to Feel Happy and Stress-free)

6.) Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health and hope.

7.) Never try to get even with your enemies! Revenge is not sweet.

8.) Expect ingratitude. Most people will not be as polite, pleasant or caring as you are.

9.) Count your blessings- not your troubles. Celebrate your successes not your failures.

10.) Create Happiness for others. Cultivate your Interdependency.

If you would like to learn more on How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, check out the book by Dale Carnegie. It’s an easy read and may change your daily outlook on life.

Let’s all try and stop worrying about things we can’t change. Let’s start today….

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Persistence and the Story of Abraham Lincoln

“Success is not measured by how high you jump, but by how high you bounce back.” ~JP

I was snowboarding 2 weekends ago at Mount Windham. I had just gotten a new board and I went on my first run. Less than 20 seconds into the run, I clipped an edge and I took a bad tumble. I laid their for a few seconds waiting for the pain to subside. All of a sudden a kid about 7-8 years old stopped right next to me and asked me if I was OK.

I told him I was fine, he then proceeded to say, “Every time you fall, you’re learning.” Such a simple principle seems to be forgotten by most adults.

Why do people settle for just being average? It’s because they have conditioned themselves to fear failure. So when they fail, they stop trying. They have been taught that winning is good and losing is bad. But that logic is false. The more failures you have the better you become.

Think of an incident in your life where you grew as a person…..

Chances are it was a result of some sort of rejection, failure or loss. These are the times when you grow the most. So it is important to try your best to push your limits so you fail often and continue to grow as a person

When things are going well, no one bothers to change. Even when things are going poorly, most people know they should change, but they push it off. Only when they hit rock bottom, does change begin to occur. That is why drug addicts can’t quit until they hit the very bottom or that most obese people don’t change until they suffer a heart attack or medical emergency.

So if you have a great business idea, a desire to improve a skill, a bad habit to quit or just want to accomplish a goal the only way to do it is to try, try and try again until you have succeeded. Remember that every time you fail, you take one step closer to your goal. So….

NEVER GIVE UP.

How did Abraham Lincoln develop the character to become one of the greatest presidents in our history? It sure wasn’t from luck or a privileged life. Take a moment and read the sequence of events in this man’s life and his path to greatness.

Event	Year
He had to work to support his family after they were forced out of their home.	1816
His mother died.	1818
Failed in business.	1831
Was defeated for legislature.	1832
Lost his job and couldn’t get into law school.	1832
Declared bankruptcy, and spent the next 17 years of his life paying off the money he borrowed from friends to start his business.	1833
Was defeated for legislature again.	1834
Was engaged to be married, but his sweetheart died and his heart was broken.	1835
Had a nervous breakdown and spent the next six months in bed.	1836
Was defeated in becoming the speaker of the state legislature.	1838
Was defeated in becoming elector.	1840
Was defeated for Congress	1843
Was defeated for Congress.	1846
Was defeated for Congress again.	1848
Was rejected for the job of Land Officer in his home state.	1849
Was defeated for Senate.	1854
Was defeated for Vice-President — got less than 100 votes.	1856
Was defeated for Senate for the third time.	1858
Was elected President of the United States.	1860

After seeing all the tragedy and failures throughout his life, I now understand why he is now considered one of the greatest presidents in the history of our country. So start your path to greatness today and push your comfort zone and learn from your experience. Persistence is the key to making your dreams a reality.

The REAL Magic of Compound Interest

It has been rumored that Einstein was asked what the greatest invention of his time was and he replied, “Compound Interest.”

I did the research and it is pretty certain that he didn’t say this but it would be ranked as one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century.

I’m sure all of you know what compound interest is and your financial adviser may have beaten this into you so I’m not going to explain it. I’m just going to show you how to use it properly. You will find these examples very interesting and enlightening.

Example 1: The Path of 3 People With the Same Intentions

Let’s say Shawn, Steve and Jack are all 25 years old. They all have finished college and have been working for the last few years making the same amount of money. They all have dreams of retiring rich and but have some difficulty making ends meet since they pay themselves last. However, they all are told to take a seminar provided by their HR department at work about saving for retirement and encouraging them to pay themselves first. After the meeting, they all agree that saving for retirement is important. However they all take different routes.

Steve decides to pay himself first. He sets up an automatic payroll deduction to an investment account that will yield and average of 8% and lives below his means. He invests $2000 per year into this account for the first 10 years until he is 35 years old. At that time he stops and never puts in a dime until he is 65 years old. At that time, he looks at his statement and he sees that his portfolio is worth a whopping $318,000!

Shawnon the other-hand says that he really can’t afford it right now since he can barely pay his bills as it is. He procrastinates thinking that he will invest as soon as he makes enough money. 10 years go by and he finally realizes that he needs to start saving for his retirement. He is still young at the ripe age of 35, so he figures he has time and it won’t make much of a difference. He visits his financial adviser and says, “I’d like to retire with the same $318,000 that my friend Steve will have when he is 65 years old.” His adviser tells him that is not a problem. Since he waited 10 years, all he has to do is invest $2600 per year for the REST OF HIS LIFE until he is 65 to accumulate the same amount that Steve saved in only 10 years.

Jackon the other-hand did what Steve did, but didn’t stop at 35 and kept putting in $2000 every year until he was 65 years old. His portfolio balance ended up at $559,562.08. Sweet!

The most important thing about compound interest is that you have to allow it time to work it’s magic. Without the necessary time, you will never see the true beauty of it. So start saving as much as you can now so you do not have to later.

Example 2: A Cheap Round of Golf

You and your friend decide to play a round of golf. He says to you, “Hey, let’s put a little bit of money to make it interesting. Le’s bet a dime on the first hole and every hole after, let’s double the ante to make the game more interesting as we get warmed up.” You confidently agree knowing that you are about the same level as him and you can’t lose that much money if you start from 10 cents. So you start your round with him and here is how the bets go.

Hole Wager

1 $0.10

2 $0.20

3 $0.40

4 $0.80

5 $1.60

6 $3.20

7 $6.40

8 $12.80

9 $25.60

So things are looking pretty good. The bets are still reasonable even though the bets have gotten a lot bigger over the last 3 holes or so. So you make the turn and start playing the back 9 trying to win some of your money back…..

10 $51.20

11 $102.40

12 $204.80

13 $409.60

14 $819.20

15 $1,638.40

16 $3,276.80

17 $6,553.60

18 $13,107.20

Wow! Now that is an expensive round of golf! Who would have though that you would be wagering over $13,000 by the end of the round starting from an initial bet of 10 cents.

This shows how important it is to never take money out of your retirement savings and to allow yourself enough time for your money to grow. By taking taking money out early, you are in essence taking away the amount of holes you play. If you played 5 less holes you would only be betting $409 instead of $13,107 by the end of the day! That’s 32 times smaller than if you played a full 18 holes!

Do yourself a favor, pay yourself first because if you don’t it will be too late. That means have your retirement as well as your savings directly taken out before it even hits your bank account. You my feel right now that you can’t afford the $40 it takes per week to save $2000 a year but what other choice to you have? You can’t afford not to. If you are not comfortable with that amount then start smaller. Start with $10. Open an ING Direct account or any other on-line bank. (This prevents you from being able to withdraw it on a whim.) You can print out a form and give it to your HR person to start the automatic withdrawal. It may be be uncomfortable for the first month or 2 but soon you won’t even notice.

There is nothing better than to know that your future is secure and that you have money in the bank so you are ready for anything life throws at you. Remember that compound interest takes a while to get revved up but once it does, wow! Every year you allow it to grow, the rewards increase exponentially.

I hope you found these examples interesting. It’s just a different way to look at it.

BTW… click here for a compound interest calculator that can assist you with figuring out how much you need to put away for your retirement.

Interdependence: Give And You Shall Recieve

(This is one of the most important posts I have posted… please read.)

Throughout most of the last 8 years since that first summer selling books door to door, I have lived a great life. Many of the things that I wanted to accomplish my life, I had achieved. I kept strong relationships with my most important friends, I have a wonderful and supportive fiance, a good relationship with my family, and accomplished most of my financial goals as well as my work related goals that I had set forth for myself. During this time, I have always felt that I was the master of my domain. I did not need the help of others to achieve my personal goals. Other than managing some people at work, I pretty much counted on myself to do what needed to be done. The problem that I had was that I never felt that level of fulfillment that I thought I would feel after my achievements. There was something missing. I keep setting new goals thinking that by accomplishing them I could attain that level of satisfaction that I knew was out there. But I never did….

I know there are many of you who are successful as well have experienced that same exact feeling. It bothered me so much that I needed to find the answers. So about a year ago, I really began to listen to a lot of self improvement tapes as well as increasing my reading. This opened my eyes to the rules of success. I wanted to share this with everyone that I knew because I saw how much it had changed my life. All I wanted to do was have them see what I see. So I changed my approach on life of just trying to only improve myself, but also trying to help others improve their own lives.

I shortly realized that most people were content just being who they were. I knew that their time just wasn’t right. So all I did was just suggest to them a few books or audio tapes(Most were never read or listened to). My conversations with them were no longer about drinking, partying, girls, or sports. These conversations started to become more substantial and we always ended up talking about their goals and desires as well as mine. During these times, I saw that look of desire burn within their eyes telling me that they yearned for something greater than what they currently were. I always tried to encourage these people to pursue their dreams and to embrace ideas. My goal was to give whatever I could give to these people with no expectation of a benefit for myself. All I wanted was to see the people I loved succeed in their pursuit of happiness.

I did this for months and I really did not see much progress. I knew that I could not force these people, who I truly loved, to see what I saw. What I saw was that there was a world out there for the taking. I saw life for what it was, just a game. All they had to do was know the rules of the game and they could consistently win at it. I kept doing what I was doing. I did it consistently in everything that I did. Whether I was at work talking to my employees or at Barnes and Nobles giving money to the high school student sitting out front collecting donations. I gave whatever I could. I began to stop worrying about how I needed that money for my wedding or how I had seen little progress in many of the people I had spoken to. Everyday, my goal was to try and add value to someone else’s life. Whether it be a nice compliment, a conversation about someones goals for the future, or a training session with an employee at work or a donation to a charity, I did what I could.

After a while I stopped consciously trying to help people out and it just ended up being a more positive person. I pretty much forgot about my endeavor to try and help my friends and family at that point and was just trying to enjoy my life. If I affected other people’s lives? Great! I no longer thought that it was necessary for me force something upon them that they weren’t interested in.

However, a single day at the end of this past June, would change the direction of my life forever. I was sitting in my office talking with Vanessa, one of my employees. She has a wonderful spirit and she was one of the few people that was at the right time in here life to embrace much of the stuff I was trying to show to others. I had seen a transformation in her that I have not seen since my book days with Southwestern. I was talking to her about giving everyone a chance and to not just dismiss people as failures. I told her a story about how my student manager at Southwestern, Michelle, was the only person to believe in me at my most desperate hour. I was in a monsoon of trouble with school, partying, anger, and credit collectors. I felt hopeless and decided to avoid my problems all together with my non stop partying. But her belief in me to be greater was the reason why I decided to not listen to all the naysayers who told me that Southwestern Company was a cult, how dangerous it was or how I wouldn’t make any money. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. But that decision changed the direction of my life forever. That summer was the hardest thing I had ever done and I couldn’t have done it without her belief in me as well as my other manager Marty’s incessant positive outlook that summer.

After I had told her the story, Vanessa said to me, “JP, Your are that person my MY life.” Those words, made me finally understand what I had been searching for for the last 8 years. That feeling that something more was out there than just accomplishing my goals. This was no longer the feeling of my independence. This was the feeling of my interdependence.

Later on that night, I called up my ex-student manager Marty because I just had to tell him what happened. I told him the story and he said to me, “You are that person in my life as well.” After hearing this for the second time that day, I knew that all the positive giving that I had put in over the last 6 months was coming back through different channels in my life. It was causing my awakening to my purpose.

After I had hung up the phone, I realized that this was the day that would change the direction of my life forever. I didn’t really know how, but I just felt it…

That night, really late, I got a phone call from one of my best friends, Do. He called me up seemingly down on himself. He expressed to me that he was having trouble with his new job selling houses. He was not able to successfully make sales calls to potential clients and asked me for my help. Whether it was mere coincidence or an alignment of the universe, he said, “I should have took your advice in college and sold books door to door with you.” Wham! What a knock to the head to end my day of awakening.

I talked with him for a while and gave him some pointers on how to approach the process of sales. After I got off the phone with him, I finally understood what my purpose in life was about. I realized that the highest level of achievement you could achieve by yourself will only allow you to reach a certain level of fulfillment. However you will never be satisfied. You will always be in search of that elusive level of satisfaction you thought the last accomplishment was going to give you. That is why you see so many millionaires trying to be billionaires. They are on the never end quest for more because they don’t know what they were truly looking for. They are searching that that magic pill that will make that empty feeling go away. The problem is that they are barking up the wrong tree. The idea of Interdependence, where you give and you shall receive, is the key to satisfying this never-ending desire for more. If you give to others with no expectation of getting anything back, life will reward you ten fold. This is when you will be at peace with yourself.

So I finally got a glimpse of the highest level of consciousness, Interdependence. I am far from being there, but I hope to continue my journey down this road with full faith in the final outcome.

So what exactly is interdependence? It is the belief that by you helping others with no expectations of reward, others will, in turn help you achieve your dreams. If you can cleanse your spirit and mind of the innate human trait of selfishness, you can then begin to connect yourself with the cosmos. For example, if can help an old lady across the street and still feel good about it even if she spits on you, you have released yourself from the human condition of selfishness. If you can help a client out with no intention of any gain on your part, even if it means that you are recommending them not use you, then you are free. These are the examples of a life of interdependence.

In the Dale Carnegie Course, there is one principle that I teach that says, “Expect Ingratitude.” I never really paid much attention to it until this summer, but now it makes perfect sense. By not expecting anything out of your actions to help, you will never be controlled by the negative feelings of contempt, hurt or anger that comes with ingratitude. These negative emotions are what sabotages your life’s energy. By expecting a reward from your actions, you are only serving yourself and not the other person. Helping others achieve their dreams or just brightening up their day, you are surrounding yourself with positive energy. There is a good chance that you will not be immediately rewarded for your selfless efforts but it will show itself when you expect it the least. Life will reward you for all those wonderful things you have done for others in the past.

During the most trying times of your life, many times you will no longer even be able to depend on yourself. The mountain is too big to climb, the depression is too great, the financial circumstance too dire for you to overcome. That is when interdependence will take control and life will help you out at just the right time. Maybe it was a friend that you had helped 20 years ago or that grocery clerk you made smile yesterday. There will be someone to help pick you up just like you had done for them in the past. You will not be alone. Your success no longer is a possibility, it is a destiny.

So believe that you can make a difference in this world. Give thanks to everyone that you love. Give appreciation to everyone who helps you. Give just as much love and appreciation to those you don’t even know. Lend a helping hand to everyone. That is the way to a greater more fulfilling life. You may not see or feel a difference in your life immediately, but have faith… the path that you are taking will lead to that elusive feeling that you have been searching for….. that great feeling of complete satisfaction and fulfillment. This is the path of Interdependence.

Independence: The Second Level of Consciousness

Have you ever had a feeling that life was passing you by? Or that you felt that you had a greater purpose than what you were currently doing? Do you ever wonder what happened to those big dreams you said you were going to accomplish? These feelings are caused by the lack of control you have in your life. The happenings of daily life create positive habits as well as negative habits. The easiest and most enjoyable path for short term happiness is that of comfort, acceptance and security. This path is the path of dependency. Dependency creates short term security, comfort, and acceptance. At the same time, this same path also creates long term unhappiness, helplessness and a never ending quest to try and achieve fulfillment in your life.

The fact that you have kept reading onto part two of this thread is a sign that you have began to develop awareness that there is something more to your life than what you have experienced so far. This does not mean you have not lived a great life up to this point, it just means you are beginning to awaken from the unconscious state most people live their entire lives in.

The questions we ask and the internal dialogue we have within ourselves decides what level of consciousness you currently are in, Dependence or Independence.

For example, a dependent person would ask questions such as:

What the hell is wrong with him?

I want to quit, but I ‘m not ready yet.

Why do bad things always happen to me?

When am I going to get my next raise? I wonder how much it will be.

Why is my boss such a jerk?

I don’t understand why people are so mean to me.

Nice guys finish last.

I’m upset that my job never offered me any training. Now I have no skills.

When your self talk resembles the statements above, you are relinquishing control of your life to someone or something else. In essence you are putting the responsibility for your situation on an external factor that is out of your control. It is not a surprise that when you ask yourself these types of questions you become emotionally charged in response to them. The feeling of helplessness is destructive to your self worth. It continually eats away at your self worth and before you know it, you will no longer have the strength to free yourself from it and you accept your situation as unchangeable. The majority of people in our society are willing to sacrifice this control in exchange for financial security or the approval of their peer group.

As stated earlier, the difference between someone in the dependent level and someone in the independent level is how they perceive the world. Below are some of the things that an independent person would say to themselves.

What can I do to get paid more?

How can I prepare myself for a better opportunity?

That guy must be having a bad day. (In response to rudeness or hostility)

How can I make sure next time this does not happen to me?

What can I do to get this project done in time?

I can’t control it; therefore I’m not going to worry about it.

This kind of dialogue is proactive and accepts the situation as it is. It does not allow the person to place themselves as a victim. This allows them to maintain control of their emotions and take responsibility for what has happened. There is no blaming of others for what happened. The ability to accept the situation is the fundamental key to freeing yourself of dependence. Not letting things bother you to the extent that it diminishes your self worth is how successful people end up rising above the norm.

Independence is when you can fully accept responsibility for your situation. Your decisions are no longer influenced by what others think of you or what has happened to you in the past. Your confidence comes from within and you no longer feel the ups and downs of daily life. Your interactions with others are no longer filled with anxiety, selfishness, hope, desire, or any ulterior motives to get to your end. You see that people begin to treat you differently, but at the same time you begin to treat others differently. Your inner calm and confidence directs your life and makes all negative experiences blend into the rest of the daily chatter thus reducing them to insignificance. You are now in control of your life and your emotions. You no longer depend on those external forces such as wealth, job situation, peer acceptance, material possessions or past events to dictate what your future will hold. You begin each day with excitement knowing you are in the driver’s seat and the world around you is under your full control.

Once you have achieved this level, you are in control of your mind, your body and your spirit. You no longer feel that your life is passing you by. The constant urgency that you felt to make more money and obtain greater levels of wealth and success are no longer there. You now realize that your internal happiness is the ultimate goal in your life and that everything happens for a reason.

The day will come when you feel at peace with yourself and the universe around you. You will see the world from the outside looking in. You finally see what it means to be independent…. Then you will begin to smile from the inside out.

Dependence: The Roller Coaster of Life

I have had many moments of clarity in the past year. Much of this clarity has been from observations of myself as well as people around me. One of the most important realizations I have had in my life is that I believe there are 3 different levels of consciousness that I believe people can achieve in their lifetime. The first level is Dependence, the second is Independence and the highest level is Interdependence. I have broken this down to 3 separate blog entries because this is fundamentally the most important aspect of my awakening. This is the first one…

Level 1: Dependence

We are a society based upon an imagined form. As a whole, we derive our self worth, confidence, identity and being mostly from outside sources. We have been programmed by society to base our identity on external factors such as material items. Things such as a nice car, a big house, a new gadget are all things we purchase to gain greater acceptance by your peers therefore increasing our own feelings of identity. The constant “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality helps maintain our self worth. If we “fall behind the Jones”, we feel unfulfilled. If we “surpass the Joneses”, then we gain an even greater feeling of self worth.

Aside from material items we also derive identity from other outside sources such as the people we surround ourselves with, the company we work for, the profession we are in, etc. Many times, people’s identities are fully intertwined with the professions they choose or by the girlfriend they are dating. We all take pride in our professions, our workplace, our friends, and our significant others. We can say to ourselves, “I’m a lawyer. I’m a great employee. I’m a great friend. “

One of the biggest determinants of our self worth and identity in our society is our own physical appearance. How we look determines how we feel about ourselves. You can deny it, but it has been unconsciously programmed into us. For example, if today you were to be caught in a fire and received 3rd degree burns in over 80% of your body, you would immediately lose a large sense of who you were. You would become depressed, your view of the outside world as well as your own identity would be thrown into a state of choas and you would no longer be yourself. This phenomena happens at a more gradually manner the older the we get. As we grow older, we gain weight, lose muscle mass, lose our hair, gain wrinkles, get stretch marks, etc. That is why many people as they get older do not feel as comfortable in their own skin as they did when they were younger.

We all derive our identity from what we do for a living, who are friends are, what people say about us, what neighborhood we live in, what sports team we cheer for, and many other things of this world. The problem with this level of consciousness is that our identity and our sense of self is directly dependent on external factors we cannot control and that can change in an instant. Companies can go out of business, our spouse can leave us, our new clothes can go out of style, our beauty will only last so long, our friends can ostracize us, etc. This dependence leads them to go through life reacting to events and feeling like they are the victim of the circumstances that exist around them.

I’m sure most of you all know many people who are like this. They depend on other people or events to make them happy. They also blame their depression or lack of fulfillment on those same people or past events. These people go through life blaming others for their low paying job, inconsistent family life, poor relationship histories, being overweight, etc. Them being responsible for these things are not in the realm of possibility. The path of least resistance is for them to blame their childhood, to blame their boss or job, to blame their genetic make up for being overweight, etc. You can also call this blame, “baggage”.

People who blame outside factors such as their boss, their job, their current financial situation, the college they went to, the childhood they had, the medical problems they are afflicted with or any other “cards life dealt to them” as a reason for their current situation, they are guaranteed a lifetime of frustration. It’s not about what happens to you that makes you feel a certain way, it’s how you react to those events that dictate you’re your ultimate satisfaction in life.

For example, I had a friend tell me once, “If I went to ABC College, things would have turned out different for me.” By not accepting responsibility for his current situation and letting go of the past, he was never able to move past this. He could not let go in order to finally decide to take control of his life and make the changes necessary to move in a new direction. He needed something good to happen to him in order for him to change his current state of affairs. This philosophy is poison to your soul. By buying into this, you are giving your life to the mercy of the events that happen to you. Thus you become a slave to the events in your life. You become happy when something good happens to you such as getting a raise. But you become unhappy when something bad happens to you such as when you get laid off. This is like a roller coaster ride. You never know when you will be going up or down. The sad thing is that most people live their entire life in this unconscious state. They never become aware and only see themselves as victims and never feel in control of their lives.

It is important to understand that we all have varying degrees of dependence. But the more you become aware of your dependence for material items, your dependence on your paycheck, your dependence on what others think of you; the more enlightened you become. Free yourself from your your dependence and take control of your life. Become aware of your existence and you will begin to see the reality of the world around you!

The “300″ Workout

If you want to look like a greek god, read on.

Some background:  In case you do not know the story of King Leonides and his last stand at Thermopylae here it is…

In 480 BC Xerxes, the leader of the Persians, had sailed into the Port of Malia which provided them the only access to Central Greece. By capturing the port and gaining access to central Greece, they would undoubtedly take over all of Greece. However the city of Sparta was the one thing standing in there way. The only way in and out of the port was the Pass of Thermopylae which was the only access point along the mountains of Themopylae.

So King Leonides led 300 of his elite Spartans to defend the pass of Thermoplyae so they could try and hold off the Persian horde until help arrived or until the Persians ran out of food and had to sail away. Even against all odds, his men stood beside him. Xerxes had brought a Persian army of over “10,000 immortals” and had crushed everything in has path. Leonides, the spartan general and king, led his loyal troops and they fought to their deaths and took a disproportionately high number of the immortals’ lives during their final stand at Thermopylae. This would become one of the greatest last stands in history. They were able to hold their position for 3 days against the unstoppable Persian army. However, on the third day, the Greeks were betrayed by one of their own country men who had showed the Persians a pass that ran behind the Spartan Army. Due to the betrayal, King Leonides and his men were slaughtered…..

For all of those who are familiar with the movie “300″ this is pretty much the story of the Spartans and how they faced insurmountable odds. These men were of the highest caliber when it came to honor, dedication and mental strength. If you have watched the movie, you will also notice that the actors all possessed insane physiques that are normally not seen in the typical gym. These guys looked like warriors and not just the typical meat head.

For the movie, in order to look like a spartan warrior, they needed train like spartan warriors. The sinewy muscle development that they were able to develop was a product of their dedication to a extreme workout using compound exercises as well as proper nutrition and rest. So I decided to see what this workout was about and try it out for myself. Below is the workout. You are supposed to do it with little to no rest between each exercise and ideally do it in 20 minutes… haha… yeah… if you are a greek god.

THE “300″ WORKOUT

• 25 pull-ups
• 50 dead lifts with 135 pounds
• 50 push-ups
• 50 jumps on a 24-inch box
• 50 “floor wipers” (Removed mainly for safety reasons.. until we get up to it)
• 50 1-arm clean and presses with 36-kettlebell (Replaced Kettle bell with 35lb dumbell)
• 25 pull-ups

So this past Saturday, I went to the gym with the workout and tried to kick some ass. It looked pretty simple and straight forward. My workout out buddy, Matt, joined in on the fun.

HOLY GOD ALL MIGHTY!!!! What a test in mental will power! By the end of the 50 dead lifts, I was not thinking positive thoughts. Luckily I had the 50 push ups to give me some rest. haha… But then the box jumps came…. if there is one exercise you never want to do again, this would be it. After about 15, I felt all the lactic acid build up and could barely muster up the explosion to do anymore jumps. Failure seemed imminent, but I just kept pushing and grinding away one jump at a time. Slowly but surely I passed 30, then 40, then 45, 47…. finally 50! Afterwards, the clean and presses were a test in mental discipline and not giving up. My legs were burning, my lower back spasming uncontrollably and my shoulders beyond the point of destruction. I was only operating on fumes, but I knew I couldn’t give up.

Finally! I made it to the final 25 pull ups… my strength was sapped and I could barely do 5 at a time…. but when I hit that magic number of 25 and I had finished the 300 workout, a feeling of accomplishment came over me that I had never felt at the gym before. My muscles no longer burned and for an instant, I knew I had conquered the insurmountable odds and made my own stand at Thermopylae. Then I collapsed like a rag doll onto the bench and laid there for a few minutes waiting for my body to recover from the ultimate destruction it had just endured… I plan to do it again next week but in less time!

So if you get a chance, try this workout for yourself. Prove to yourself that you have the mental toughness to not give up even when your body screaming for you to stop. This workout will make tough guys cry like babies and gym newbies wish they had never even tried. It is not for the faint of heart, so only attempt it if you are physically and mentally ready for it. Success in this program comes from having developed mental toughness and physical endurance. However, if you choose to do this now, there will be times you will want to quit, but those are the most important times! Those are the moments that will decide your destiny!

“How to Achieve Your Childhood Dreams”

This is a lecture series given by Dr. Randy Pausch of Carnegie Mellon University. It is a great perspective on life from his experience and his ineveitable death in the near future from pancreatic cancer.
This is a great 10 minute clip that will inspire you to live your life differently… worth a watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tIyt8oSLVs

If you have time here is the extended version. (76 Minutes)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo&NR=1

I give him much respect.

The Millionaire Mind

I was browsing my collection of books this morning and I ran across “The Millionaire Mind” by Thomas J. Stanley. The book is based upon survey data of 2,487 millionaires and what they believe to be the keys to their success.

Many of us dream big…. bigger than we would ever tell our friends and family for fear of being ridiculed. If you don’t dream big, you will have no chance of achieving those lofty goals. Most of us here would like to be millionaires. It actually doesn’t seem too difficult. A net worth of $1Million seems pretty simple, right? Not according to the numbers because only 4.9% of US households have a net worth of over $1Million dollars. That is pretty astonishing…. That means 1 out of every 20 people will achieve that level of financial prosperity. Very grim news for those people who just strive to be ‘above average’.

There are very few people who have what it takes to make it to the promise land. I believe I am one of them and I know that if you are reading this you are one of them as well. If you take the time to improve yourself and reflect on your goals consistently and figure out ways of achieving it, you will be on the path to greatness.

Millionaire Mind’s Keys to Success… Take a moment and think of what you feel are the most important factors in becoming a millionaire and try to rank them in the order of importance…. really… think about it.

OK, so I hope you got a chance to do it. The results may be surprising. When I first picked up the book a number of years ago, I listed them in order of importance as hard working, being intelligent, being frugal, investing in retirement and some luck. I figured that’s pretty much all you need and luck being the deciding random factor that decides why that hardworking,smart, frugal individual never made it to the top.

I was definitely wrong….

Here are the KEYS TO SUCCESS rank in order of significance based on the survey of millionaires in the US.

1. Being honest with people (tied #1)

2. Being well disciplined (tied #1)

3. Getting along with people

4. Having a supportive spouse

5. Working harder than most

6. Loving my career or business

7. Having strong leadership qualities

8. Having a very competitive spirit.

9. Being well organized

10. Having an ability to sell my ideas/ products

11. Making wise investments.

12. Seeing opportunities others don’t see

13. Being my own boss

14. Willing to take financial risk given the return

15. Having good mentors

16. Having an urge to be well respected

17. Investing in my own business

18. Finding a profitable niche

19. Having extraordinary energy

20. Being physically fit

21. Having a high intellect

22. Specializing

23. Attending a top rated college

24. Ignoring detractors

25. Living below my means

26. Having strong religious faith

27. Being lucky

28. Investing in the stock market

29. Having excellent investment advisers

30. Graduating near/ at the top of my class

It’s surprising that my Asian parent’s ideology to get really good grades, go to a top rated college and being smart are all ranked at the very bottom of the factors millionaires believe were the cause of their financial success. Have you ever went on a road trip and made a turn and went in the wrong direction? By believing in the wrong philosophy in life, you in turn may be doing the same in your life. The good thing is that if you catch yourself early, it’s an easy detour back to the right path. If it’s too late, you got a long road ahead and you may never make it back.

What may have surprise you, as it did me, was that honesty was tied with self discipline as tops and getting along with others was 3rd. To say the least, 5 of the top 10 factors had to do with communications and human relations. The other 5 were internal factors that you have the ability to improve.

So I concluded from this book that since I believed I was hardworking, honest, possessed the ability to sell ideas and products, had a competitive spirit and got along well with others. I knew I had to work on the other 5 remaining factors that I was weak in. Those were leadership, cultivating a supportive spouse, well disciplined, making wise investments, and being well organized. So I had dedicated myself over the last few years to make those weaknesses into strengths. I am proud to say that I have been able to consciously improve my weaknesses into strengths over the last few years.

So I challenge you to do the same. Be honest with yourself. Most people aren’t. They don’t like hearing the truth. They live in self denial that they are the perfect being and everyone else is wrong. Look inward and see what strengths you have and what weaknesses you can improve on.

If you can get all those 10 factors to be strengths of yours, you should have no problem becoming a millionaire as well as being a great people person. What could be better than being rich AND having a wonderful family and a great group of friends?

… just make sure I’m one of them!

Success is a Numbers Game

So… I get this email from my friend Mike. He actually started this pretty amazing way of learning Chinese called Mando Mandarin. If anyone is interested, check out:

Mando Mandarin Website

The email was just a reminder of what it takes to become a success. Having people that expect more out of you is the key to being “extra”ordinary. I’m always happy to get emails like the one below. Our quest for greatness and fulfillment are fueled by the constant push amongst our peers… Anyways, here’s the email:

Work may bog us all down, but let us always remember what really gets us ahead!

By Jim Rohn:
My mentor taught me that success is a numbers game and very early he started asking me my numbers. He asked, “How many books have you read in the last ninety days?” I said, “Zero”; he said, “Not a good number.” He said, “How many classes have you attended in the last six months to improve your skills?” And I said, “Zero.” He said, “Not a good number.” Then he said, “In the last six years that you’ve been working, how much money have you saved and invested?” I said, “Zero” and he said, “Not a good number.” Then here’s what he said, “Mr. Rohn, if these numbers don’t change your life won’t change. But” he said, “If you’ll start improving these numbers then perhaps you’ll start to see everything change for you.”

Mike Cheng
Founder & President of Mando Mandarin

Jim Rohn is one of the most accomplished speakers out there. So ask yourself those same questions and see what type of numbers you have……

Life Comes From Death

Sorry to be so dreary, but it sure hits home. I was at Dale Carnegie last night sitting in the back with the other coaches listening to 15 two minute talks. The students’ assignment was to talk about some incident that inspired them or had an emotional impact on them. All the stories were quite moving and really touched my heart at the deepest level. I made an observation that night that about 6 or 7 of the talks were about someone passing away and that event being a catalyst for them to change and look at life differently. All of them had similar conclusions… the morals of their stories went something like this, “Live everyday like it was your last and you will have a truly amazing life!” I guess death will do that to you.

I’m sure everyone has heard this, but I am sure very few actually subscribe to it. I’m just as guilty as everyone else. However, after yesterday, I will strive to live everyday like it was my last. I will appreciate my blessings. I will say I love you to the people I care about. I will be thankful for what I have. I will consistently strive to be the best I can be.

I was listening to the “Get the Edge”program by Tony Robbins for the 3rd time and he told a story about one of Micheal Landon’s final interviews with Time Magazine right before he passed away. They asked him if there was anything he could have done differently and he responded by saying something like, “If god could tell us that we were dying from the moment we were born, we would all live extraordinary lives.” (Paraphrasing).

Have you ever felt like this?….In the blink of an eye, you’ve turned 25, then all of a sudden you’re 40, another blink later you’re 60, finally you blink one last time before you pass… You may look back and you wonder, what happened to all those things you wanted to do? Those wild and crazy dreams you had when you were fresh out of college?

So make a commitment today to cherish every moment you have with your loved ones as if it were your last and to go after those goals you have been pushing off for ‘later’. Later may not come. Live everyday to the fullest and even if you drop dead tomorrow, you will lay their smiling knowing you have no regrets….

No Regrets…. that is the final and ultimate key to an extraordinary life.

Jumping Off the Hamster Wheel

Wake up, go to work, go to the gym, go home, eat, watch tv, sleep, wake up, go to work, go to the gym, go home, eat, watch tv, sleep, wake up, go to work, go to the gym, go home, eat, watch tv, sleep, wake up, go to work, go to the gym, go home, eat, watch tv, sleep, wake up, go to work, go to the gym, go home, eat, watch tv, sleep…..Then the Weekend! Yeah!

When you put down what you do in a typical week on paper, it’s quite depressing. Are we all just mindless being doing the same thing over and over again? How exciting is that??? Society, the media, learning institutions, creditors, government… they all program us to conform for the greater good of society. Media programs us to tell us what is important, the government programs us to make us not rebel, learning institutions like colleges teach us how to be good workers. I’ve finally stepped outside the bubble to take a look from the outside and I began to realize that I was falling into the trap. The great thing is the end is near and the hamster wheel bolts are about to come off. My day of reckoning is upon me. At the end of this month, I will be giving my notice to my employer to let him know that I will be moving to Dallas and pursuing my dream… to run my own restaurant!

I’ve always dreamed of doing this but for the last 7 years of my life, I have fallen into the trap of being comfortable. Having a nice job, good pay, cool toys, having fun… I became trapped in the maddening cycle of earning money and spending money. Not only until about 2.5 years ago did I begin to get sick of the never ending quest to make the most money and buy the nicest things. I didn’t want to be like everyone else and judge success on the toys that i owned of the salary I made. This is the journey of the broke.

So 2.5 years ago, I came up with this great idea for a restaurant. It was unique! It was exciting! It was half baked! I had no money to pursue it, which ended up being a good thing because it was half baked. That day changed my life and gave me a purpose. I began to save money for that dream. I began to delay current pleasure in pursuit of future happiness. I began to do what unsuccessful people don’t want to do. Over the next 2.5 years I save d and saved. Now, I finally have accumulated enough money to quit my job, start my business and with my soon to be wife’s income, we can live indefinitely in Dallas until my fortune is made!

The feeling is indescribable to be able to have enough money to not have to worry about your next paycheck. No longer to you have to take that shit from your boss or any of the office politics bullshit that surrounds you on a daily basis. Do you know what the number one cause for heart attacks is? No it’s not obesity or genetics…. it’s work dissatisfaction! Why put your life in jeopardy for a paycheck? Why be unfulfilled, just so you can drive that BMW or buy that iPhone. These things no longer matter to me and they should not matter to those who are looking to truly be wealthy.

So make a decision to start your journey today. Pay yourself first! Sign up for direct deposit into your savings account directly from your payroll. You can start off small, you will feel a great sense of freedom when you see that account balance a year from now. After the first paycheck, you won’t even miss it.

This is the key to your happiness. Once you free yourself of the financial responsibilities and the need to have a job, you will be able to pursue anything you ever desired. Whether you wanted to start your own company, work for ESPN, start a charity, or travel the world. I challenge you to sacrifice some of your immediate pleasure for your future happiness….

Working for Free

Many people express to me that they aspire to own their own business, become rich, accomplish a goal with such intensity and conviction that I get so excited when I talk to them! However, a few weeks or months later, I will talk to them again they have not done anything to move in the direction of their goal since our last conversation. These people seem so passionate about their idea or goals that it seems like it should be a walk in the park to come up with the motivation to start heading in that direction. But almost all of them have not.

It’s exciting to hear people want to accomplish their goals, but when years go by and they haven’t moved a step towards that goal, I started wondering why….. My belief is that it is because of the society we live in. We have been programmed to live this life. We get trapped into the hamster wheel and can’t get out, many times not wanting to get out because we are scared of the consequences. Our income from our job acts as a life line. Without it, most of us will drown. In essence, people trade their dreams for the comfort of security.

Our society has always conditioned us to work so we can get paid and play when we aren’t being paid. Most people check out of work and then end up going home and relaxing or partaking in a number of leisurely activities. These activities are necessary for a good balance in life however, over our lifetimes, we condition ourselves to think that when we are at work, we work and when we are not at work, we play. People get so used to this, that when they have to do work on their “free” time, they get extremely stressed or they never do it at all.

The problem is that no one wants to spend their time working towards their dreams. There is no sense of urgency. They always say to themselves, “Oh, I’ll do it tomorrow.” Or “I don’t have time this week, I’ll do it as soon as I can.” Weeks, months years go by and they have accomplished nothing. They won’t get yelled at by their boss, fired from their job or ridiculed by their friends if they didn’t finish their business plan or market analysis by this past Sunday. Their is no one to hold these people accountable so they never “work” for themselves. Working for free can be writing in a journal, reading an informational book, listening to a motivational program, writing your business plan, or just self reflecting.

There is a saying that I live my life by, “Successful people do what unsuccessful people don’t want to do.” Whenever I feel lazy or want to procrastinate, I say that phrase to myself and it causes me to act. Afterwards, I am always glad I did it and realized it wasn’t hard at all. If you do this consistently, you will find that it will get easier and easier every time.

Here is a great article on what working for free means when it comes to their business.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/12/working-for-free/

So if you want to fulfill your true potential, decide today that you will work for free!

The Hobby of Self Development

Tony always gives me lots of new pathways of thought in my brain…

In last 3 months, there has been a transformation in me that is hard to describe. It’s a feeling of certainty of purpose that I have never felt before. The great thing is that it has been a catalyst for some dramatic changes in my life. I know that my goal to open my first restaurant and then expand my business to franchising has allowed me go after the ‘golden carrot’. Every day that goes by, I treat it as practice for the challenge ahead. Whether it be my weekly commitment to coach Dale Carnegie class on Wednesdays till 9:30pm or working on my business plan and research; I always see it as an opportunity to exercise my mental muscle. I know that very soon, those muscles will be used to the ultimate limit.

Over the last 3 years, I have saved up a considerable amount of money that has bought my way out of a suppressive job situation and provided me the leverage I need to cut ties with that oh too comfortable pay check from work. Money is power. Leverage is Power. Money is Leverage. Without leverage, you are weak and no longer in control. I had finally amassed enough money to create this leverage and this has brought me finally to the gates of my destiny.

To achieve this certainty of purpose I realized that I had to work on myself like I work on my golf game or snowboarding or mma or video games. Many people go through life having hobbies or interests. These hobbies or interests act as either distraction from life or a place to focus their energy on. These activities are rewarding in that it lowers stress, gives you an outlet for creativity or provides you continuous challenges. However I have observed that most people don’t focus on excelling at the most important activity in their life… which is how they control themselves… or what I call self discipline and self mastery.

When it dawned on me that what i found most fascinating in the world was not sports, video games, movies, or cooking, I then began to question myself as to why can’t my hobby be self development?

So 3 months ago, I started listening to audio programs from the best speakers out there including Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, Brian Tracy, Robert Kiyosaki, Dennis Whaitley, etc. Every 45 minute car ride to and from work, I would be learning from other great people’s experiences. I began my journey into certain greatness. I realized that definiteness of purpose and a certainty of your dream can bring you a complete level of happiness and satisfaction that you never imagined possible.

Today, I have become the person that I always knew I could become. I wake up with a purpose. I walk with confidence. I speak with authority. I genuinely care about adding value to other people’s lives. I love being outside my comfort zone. I smile with no restraint. I feel on top of the world!!!

If you trained all your life to be a snowboarder, wouldn’t you be a great snowboarder?

If you trained all your life to be a great runner, wouldn’t you be a great runner?

If you played “The Sims” all your life, wouldn’t you be able to beat it with your eyes blindfolded?

If you trained all your life to be successful, wouldn’t you be a great success? hmmm…..

Just some FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

Day 1: Lessons in Mastery by Tony Robbins

So I’m a big Tony Robbins buff… I would give him credit for being the driving force to most of my change over the last 10 years. With his help and my experiences I have reached a higher level of performance and awareness about myself.

I was talking to my friend Marty the other night and I asked him to listen to the audio program “Get the Edge” that I had sent him and made him commit to listening to it. So that made me decide myself to start a new program I just got from Tony as well which is “Lessons in Mastery”.

My assignment for today is Define who I am, whether it is a good thing or not… the write down who I want to become.

Who I am:
I am….

HONEST
SINCERE
APPRECIATIVE
SOMETIMES MOODY
HARDWORKING
CARING
OPINIONATED
GOOD SON
GOOD BROTHER
LOVING FIANCE
SUPPORTIVE FRIEND
SOMETIMES A BIT CRITICAL
MESSY
ALTRUISTIC
FRUGAL YET PRACTICAL
A BIT OVERWEIGHT
BALD
INTROSPECTIVE
ALWAYS LOOKING TO IMPROVE
HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SMOKING AND CHEEBS

Who I want to become….

A GREAT BUSINESS PERSON
BIG GIVER
ATHLETIC AND IN OPTIMAL SHAPE
BALD BUT BEAUTIFUL
CONSIDERATE AND SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND
SOMEONE PEOPLE LOOK UP TO
A PERSON OF HIGH CHARACTER
FULL OF CONFIDENCE
ORGANIZED
GREAT PUBLIC SPEAKER

I haven’t finished the second half of day one, so I will keep it updated for the rest of the time.

setting the gears in motion…

Working at the same company for 6 years has been very rewarding on my part specifically because I have been able to develop some employees and made them enjoy their jobs and their lives. However, it is sad to say, but I do not have that same kind of leadership from my own boss.

To put it bluntly, my boss is a self serving manipulator. A year ago, I finally got fed up with seeing my income steadily decrease over the last 3 years and no compensation adjustment to account for it. I decided to go and ask for a raise.

So I’m in his office and I ask him for a raise. He immediately says, “No!” So I brought my points up to him on how I, as an executive, had led his company for 5 years without a raise and took on more duties than I had ever taken on and how I was the hardest and most dedicated employee he had. He scoffed at the notion and was adamant in his resolve, so I began to feel that this was a losing battle. However, all of a sudden, I realized that we were arguing about the possibility of a raise and he had not considered how much of a raise I was asking for.

So I asked him, “After all this debate, have you even asked how much I am asking for? What if I told you I was only asking for an additional $1000?” He all of a sudden realized how inconsiderate his position was and had an almost embarrassed look on his face. I was stewing in anger at that point and told him that I deserve this after all the loyalty I had shown him over the years when others had not. I told him that either he gives me the raise or I leave the company. He asked me what I would do and I told him that I had a lot of money saved up and I was going start my own business. He tried to turn the table on me and replied, “It looks like you have already made up your mind, why would you ask me for a raise then?”

In response, I said, “The other 2 times in the 6 years I have been here, I have asked you for an adjustment and you have completely disregarded them and made me feel completely absurd for asking for them. This time, it seemed to be heading in the same exact path. The difference between this time and the previous 2 times was that I was not prepared to leave and that was my downfall.”

He finally began to realize his position and how terrible of a person he was… at least I would feel that way if I were him. So he said he would think about it over the weekend and get back to me on Monday.

The sad thing was, during the weekend, I was happy that Friday may have been the last day I worked. After having that conversation, I vowed that I could not let my future be dependent on a selfish fuck like him. So whatever the outcome, I would make plans for my future departure.

I ended up getting the raise that I deserved. But the gears had been set into motion…..

Over the last year, I began to formulate the ideas of my restaurant into a composition notebook. I brainstormed menu items, marketing strategies, etc and just put them on paper. I had the main idea for my restaurant about 2 years back, it was only in my head. Once the gears had been set into motion, everything began coming together.

My Beginnings….

I can honestly credit one experience in my life that has permanently altered my life’s path to the direction it is going now. It was the spring of 1999 and my sophomore year in college. I was attending Univ. of Wisconsin- Madison and having a hell of a time partying and having fun. I had decided to go to school there to get away from my parents that I had built a lot of animosity towards. I guess going their and being so free was a bit much for me. I got lost into the world of drugs and alchohol but I’m sure it was me covering up my pain. I was at the brink of failing out of school. I had credit card collections calling my cell phone constantly, I was eating my roommates food just because I had no money to buy my own due to it all going to buying weed, opium, mushrooms, LSD, etc. My mom had disowned me and cut me off. I do have to thank my dad for his unconditional love and sending me money without my mom knowing…

SO that spring, I met this girl named Michelle Mitchell, who convinced me to go with her to Arkansas that summer and sell books door to door with the Southwestern Company. All my friends kept telling me it was a cult and that they were going to brainwash me. Well they were half right, they did brain wash me… but only for me to believe that I could be better. That summer, showing up at sales school and meeting so many people that were so positive and motivated made me want to change. That summer, I spent the whole day with only my thoughts. The first few weeks were pure mental hell. You don’t realize how weak you really are until you are forced to walk around in the middle of Arkansas starting at 8am with a 20 lb bag of books, in 100+ degree weather getting door after door slammed in your face until 10pm at night. All those skeletons in my closet started to surface and with no drugs to escape it, I had to do a lot of self talk and self reflecting. I cried a lot that summer…. Maybe more than my entire life. While sitting on the sidewalk or under a tear crying, every tear that rolled down my cheek felt like a small weight being lifted from me. I still remember a day where I sat in a cul de sac and a little boy came up to me asking me why I was crying and I just told him that I was happy… then I realized that even though I had cried more than I ever had before, I was the happiest I had been in a long long time.

That summer, I met 3 people that I feel are my kindred spirits. My student manager Michelle Mitchell, was the only person that believed in me at my darkest hour. Whether she was doing it because of business or genuine care, it did not matter. All that mattered was that she was that lonely hand that reached out and pulled me out of the quicksand I had fallen into. I felt like my weekly meetings with her was the only time of the week that made me happy. I remember our first meeting, she made me sit and read a quote, “Successful people do what unsuccessful people don’t want to do.” I still remember that as the day that changed my life…..

The second person was Marty McCrea. He was actually the student manager that I had to stay with that first summer in Arkansas along with Larry Johns who would be the third. The greatest thing was that Marty treated me just like his own recruit (Larry). The good thing was that I didn’t have to share the same bed with Marty like Larry had to for a full summer. If you ever meet Marty, you will know what you DON”T wanna sleep with him… lol. For all you girls out there.

But to be serious, Marty was always supportive when he picked me ad my trusty book bike up from my usual corner at the end of the day. Half the time, I’d be feeling down and he was always so positive and always made me feel better. Larry, I think, knows me very well. He is one of those people in my life that has seen me at my weakest. We shared the same experience that summer and actually the following summer since we both continued on for 1 more summer.

That summer I realized that my parents didn’t always do things right but they had good intentions. I also learned that the importance of setting goals, working hard, taking risks and doing things that unsuccessful people didn’t want to do. This was the start of my journey to success and my awakening to a greater purpose. Thank you Southwestern, thank you Michelle, Marty and Larry for being their to pick me up and dust me off every time I fell down. Life is about giving, so you have all given me so much, I must return the favor one day….. that day starts today!